Day 7: Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself?

Snakes and spiders, heights, even death. These are superficial fears that many people share. But I would like to get personal. Sure, unknown insects freak me out. But my biggest fear?

not good enough

Like most fears, there is a technical term to define it.

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My experience with atelphobia began as a child. There’s no need to get into the nitty gritty. It mostly boiled down to my looks. But the good news is that after years of self loathing, destruction and poor self image, I have begun to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It took a lot of reflection and a good man to even begin to undo the wrong.

Since this fear is slowly fading, naturally a new fear will make itself known. It starts with the letter d and rhymes with bleployment.

My friend, Candice P., watching her husband's ship sail away.

My friend, Candice P., watching her husband’s ship sail away.

Being the wife of a sailor, it comes as no surprise that deployment is just around the corner. And THAT is currently my greatest fear. Nothing in particular. Just the whole thing and everything that comes with it. Separated by many months and an entire ocean, I’m terrified about what could happen and how we will change. Maintaining an emotional connection will be difficult, and I can’t help but think….what if he forgets about me? Of course I have talked about this with him, prayed about it and know most of my fears are irrational. Only time will tell.

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6 responses to “Day 7: Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself?

  1. It has been something I have been fearing a lot lately myself. It’s always at the back of mind and hits me the hardest at night. But he won’t forget you and his mind won’t change about you just like you know your mind isn’t going to change about him. And don’t fear it, because we will get through it together. It’s going to be hard but the time will fly by because we will make it so! I love you!

  2. It’s my third one girl… First with kids. It’s be fine. You’ll send boxes, letter, email. You’ll send bitty reminders of you to him 231784982374 emails back and forth (when email is working ;-). It’ll go faster than you think and you two will be closer after. :-) He’s never going to “forget” and neither will you! Demand cool gifts from cool countries. :-) Derek would send qa postcard from each country so I could track his whereabouts and have them forever of course!! :-) his first deployment is all framed and hanging on a wall. It’ll be fine; you’ll see. The worst part is the before he leaves worrying… ry and just kick it and have fun while he’s here!!!

    • haha oh I have already demanded presents :) and post cards are a cool idea. I would love to create a collage and frame it. great way to remember what we have survived. thanks for the encouragement!!

  3. Pingback: “The greatest taboo” (lyrics) | power of language blog: partnering with reality by JR Fibonacci·

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